A little over a month ago, I wrote Birth of the Accidental Blogger and I started to remember why I used to love writing. I remembered the joy in finding the right words and listening to the patterns in my head over and over again until they flow just right. I remembered what it felt like to have a handful of fragmented ideas suddenly come together, like iron shards pulled by a magnet. I remembered how it feels to hand a sheet of paper to someone, nervously, and say, “What do you think?”
I remembered, and it has been an absolute blast.
According to WordPress stats, today I reached 687 views, by more than 325 unique visitors. But that has to be wrong, I don’t even have that many friends on Facebook. Weekly stats make more sense with 86 visitors over 156 views, but still! That is way more than just my mom and dad. And my husband. I haven’t had that many people read my writing in a very long time.
There have been moments of concern, when I wondered if I went over some sharing line. There have been moments of connection, as friends from diverse parts of my history have reached out about one post or another, letting me know that I made them cry or smile or laugh. I was called remarkable. And, somehow I have managed to keep it going for fifteen posts, one of the only times in my life that I’ve built an actual habit.
An absolute blast of a habit.
I had a quick text interchange with my best friend. I told her how much fun I was having, and that I was trying not to get overwhelmed by whether people liked it. I knew that the writing needed to be about me, but I wasn’t sure I would have kept going if I hadn’t see some positive response. I’ve never been able to make a habit of journaling, I’m just not good at focusing on stuff because it’s good for me. I care too much about whether what I do has value to others.
She’s been by my side for a long time, so she knew exactly what to say:
It is good to care, that’s what drives you. The trick is finding a balance where it only bothers you enough to drive — not stop.
So, I’m going to take her advice. I’m going to keep having fun, and I’m going to care whether what I do resonates with people. I’m going to care enough to stay driven, but not so much that I let the worry stops me.
Thanks for being part of my journey. I promise it will be worth it to stick around.