Today is the last day of June and all month my social media feed has been full of smiling faces — students and parents — celebrating the completion of schooling. There are fresh faced teenagers graduating from high school and heading off to life, trade school, or college. There are young adults (and in some cases, not so young adults) finishing degrees with varying levels of regalia, pomp, and circumstance. Sometimes the people in the pictures are certain about what the next step will bring, but not always.
And that’s ok.
Really.
This fall my daughter will be a senior in high school and there is this gnawing feeling amongst her and her classmates that the decision you make about what to do after graduation is pivotal. That somehow the course of your entire life is decided by picking the right career, school, or major when you can’t be trusted to legally drink alcohol. I don’t buy it. Maybe that’s because I didn’t know what I wanted to do when I was her age and I feel like I’m ok. I mean, my life turned out ok.
In fact, more than ok.
When I was applying to colleges all I knew was that I loved learning and I wanted to be around people who loved learning as much as I did. I didn’t even know how to articulate the idea of “a community of scholars” like I might be able to do now. I knew I wanted to be with people who worked hard seeking knowledge — I wanted to be pushed in a way I hadn’t been pushed before. I picked an elite liberal arts school and decided to study English because it felt like that would be a good foundation for a law degree someday, or something else. I had no idea what the something else would be — and there have been a lot of “something elses” over the last 28 years.
No one, not me or anyone who knew that young woman, would have guessed that at 45 I would be a technology executive. I had absolutely no idea of this outcome, no inkling of the path that has brought me here, because if I had I might have made different choices. I could have invested in more technical classes or chosen a college stronger in STEM. I might have taken that inside sales job at a company that makes surge protectors and battery back-ups or been more focused in pursuing a management consulting opportunity out of graduate school. But I didn’t know this is where I would end up and so I didn’t do any of those things.
And it didn’t matter because I still got here. I’m still ok.
One of the guys I went to school with took another path. He was a national merit scholar and got a degree in chemical engineering from a big public school. We’re connected on Facebook and as I watch his life unfolding I’m amused by how far off that path his life has gone. Somewhere along the way he ended up as a violinist in a rock band. And from the sidelines of his life, he seems really happy.
When I thought about writing this post, I reached out to him and asked if he’d be ok if I used our lives to illustrate the futility of teenage worry. He agreed right away typing back, “Like you, my life is an open book. I’m happy to help any way I can.” Maybe the two of us aren’t representative of the craziness in trying to find the right path instead of just taking one step at a time toward your future, but I doubt it. We’re two smart, happy people who ended up 180 degrees away from where we planned. I thought I would do something creative in the arts and ended up in a technology role in business. He thought he would have a technical role in engineering and ended up as a musician touring the country. We’re both ok.
More than okay.
So, here’s my ask. If you or someone you love is at a pivot point, ready to make a step toward the first day of the rest of your life, try not to let the worry consume you. Take a step toward your passion. Find your people. Learn something. Help someone. Wake up to a day filled with experiences that help you grow or bring you joy. Don’t try to do the one best thing, choose something and try to do it the best you can. Looking back over a lifetime of choices maybe you’ll recognize the path you set out on — but maybe you won’t. Both are ok.
And sometimes, if you’re lucky, it’s more than ok.
Too Much Mel 
Catie will be a SENIOR?? Stop it.
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She was six when we met. Life just keeps chugging along, doesn’t it?
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Mel, your post is more timely than you know! My family is in a period of great changes: one child graduating from college and starting out on his own as a financial analyst (a career that he KNEW he wanted to enter from grade school!); my “baby” leaving the nest and moving into the dorms in a few weeks to begin her college adventure studying nutrition and food management (having known for years she has a passion for the culinary world); and then there is my middle child looking into the future like a deer in headlights!! Unlike her siblings who have had a clear picture for years of the path they wanted to pursue – she is floundering trying to find “her passion”! After graduating high school, she attended the local community college and finished her associates degree in general studies/art. Now she is at a crossroads and is having trouble deciding which path to go down… I am trying to encourage her to just pick one and start down it; the path does not have concrete walls around it! She can always turn off and onto another path – multiple times if necessary! The problem is that she has a passion for MANY DIFFERENT THINGS! It is hard for her to think of pursuing just one.
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I love hearing that my words resonate to other’s lived experiences. Good luck to you children as they all find their way — it sounds like no matter what path they choose they have a supportive mother who is ready to cheer them on from the sidelines which is a blessing to be sure. Thanks for taking the time to comment.
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