Yesterday on Facebook, a friend of mine posted a meme that said:
Just Be Yourself. Let people see the Real, Imperfect, Flawed, Quirky, Weird, Beautiful & Magical person that you are.
I loved that.
But it got me thinking — is being real better than being perfect? After all, we don’t say “practice makes real” we say “practice makes perfect.” Real is sold as status quo, simply what is, while perfect is aspirational. No one strives for real. And, I think that is a problem. In fact, I’d like to give three head-to-head reasons why real beats perfect every time.
Reason #1 – Being Real Stretches Everyone
Perfection is a cultural standard. A group of people decide what perfection looks like, based on objective or subjective measures. Perfection changes and what is perfect in one time and place can be vastly different in another time and place. In contrast, real is an individual standard. Only the person themselves can define real, what is real to me is not necessarily real to you. And, although real can change through significant life events, real tends to hold fairly steady throughout a person’s lifetime.
Because of the fluidity of the perfect standard, the distance to perfect can be vastly different based on when and where someone is born, their genetics and the environmental that they are raised in. With perfect as an aspirational goal, some people get there easily, while others could work their whole lives and have no chance of achievement. And that assumes that perfect is a good standard, which frankly is not a great assumption.
On the other hand, striving toward real is a target for everyone. In any community, there is a magnetic pull to sameness that makes achieving the unique and real something that requires effort. We call that tendency to similarity peer pressure and pretend it is only something that impacts teenagers. But, that’s not true. Everyone struggles with being authentic and channeling their unique strengths to meet their potential. And it’s a lifelong effort — something that can be improved upon at age 8 or 18 or 80.
Reason #2 – Being Real Is Efficient
Because of the variability of achieving perfection, the cost to get everyone to a perfect standard is horribly asymmetrical. For all the reasons noted above, some people will get there quickly and easily (relatively speaking) and others will struggle.
For an example, let’s say the goal is to get everyone to make a perfect putt. Some combination of eye hand coordination, large muscle control, visual acuity and mental modeling would be the best for learning the art and science of putting. For the rest of the population, the absence of that combination of factors would make putting harder, and achieving the perfect putt less efficient. Investing the time and resources to get everyone up the curve would be inefficient.
When I was in high school I announced to my parents that I knew I was naturally good at some things and not good at others. I told them that I planned to quickly abdondon the things I wasn’t good at and focus on the things I was good at. I just didn’t understand why I should focus on those things when clearly someone else was talented in that space.
The book Good to Great makes the point that your best shot at success comes from finding what you are good at, what you love, and what the world needs — namely leveraging your realness where it can do good in the world. It isn’t lazy, it’s efficient.
Reason #3 – Being Real Is Fun
Probably the most important advantage of working toward real over perfect is it is just more fun. More fun for the individuals and more fun for the world. When people are actualizing their real self, they are engaging without fear of missing some societal standard. It doesn’t mean that they aren’t trying to be better, but it does mean they aren’t trying to be something they’re not.
When I have to worry that I am too loud or too enthusiastic or too nerdy, it limits what I say and how I offer help. If I have to wonder if people will be accepting of my lack of make-up or my tendency to quote podcasts or my spontaneous offers of advice I just don’t give the world my best work. Yeah, there are times for turning down my real, but when I am real great things happen. Fun happens.
When I think about my best real moments, it is when I’ve been in a group where everyone can be real. Those are the moments that shaped me, where memories were made. If you are lucky enough to get there, you feel the real down to your core. And that never, ever happens when you’re trying to get to perfect. At least not in my experience.
So, just be yourself. Stop practicing to be perfect — start practicing to be real.